About Me

 My name is Laura O'Neill, a 21 year old girl fighting the biggest battle of her life. At the beginning of this year I was diagnosed with a synovial sarcoma, one of the rarest forms of soft tissue cancer
 Before all of this I was studying business and working part-time. I was a real busybody, Constantly on the go and trying to evenly divide my time among friends, family and everything else in-between. I was so independent and loved the freedom of my life. I often finished college and found myself in a bar with friends sipping cocktails. I had very few responsibilities and I LOVED that! I could do what I wanted, when I wanted and no one could stop me. I loved nothing more than a good night out, I was a big partier and I just loved to socialise and dance with my friends. Ending up on an unexpected night out with Jane (who is my other half when it comes to a good night out), dancing till all hours then waking up the next morning and racing into work was a rare talent that I had mastered. I really, really loved concerts and there was nothing better than a good festival. My favourite thing ever was to travel. I had just returned from an amazing trip to Thailand and caught the travel bug. I was eager to get going again, I had big plans for the future. I was generally healthy and had barely ever had a trip to hospital, when all of a sudden I was struck with the big C. 
 "It's just mad" I say this to myself most days because I still find it hard to believe that all of this just happened to me, no reason why, nothing. It simply just happened and I just have to accept that. It's extremely frustrating to know that there is this thing inside of my body and I can't just take it out. I still don't understand how this thing can be so destructive and just take over my body for no reason at all. This has completely changed everything for me. My body, my mental state and my abilities have all been altered. Going from being so independent to now being so dependent was really hard. Now, I struggle to unscrew the top of a bottle, I can't have sup of alcohol without vomiting the next day. Some days I can't find the energy to be out of bed for too long and I get so tired so easily. My mind is constantly on overdrive, people often have to wake me up from my deep thought without me realising. A major worry of mine is if I'll ever be the old me again, but now I know I need to stop comparing myself to the old me. This is my new life and this is the new normal. I noticed I was writing everything in the previous paragraph in past tense, but them things still represent the new me. When I'm better I will still be able to do the things I love like concerts, festivals and travel. I may not be able to do them the way I did before, but I'll still do them. 
 Positivity is my way of fighting my disease, I do have many down days where I feel sorry for myself and I know that that's OK, I'm allowed to feel like that! Nothing beats the feeling of picking myself up after my down days, those are the days that keep me going because I always know they're coming. I know this because, yes I have been dealt the shittest card of the deck but there's always someone worse off than me and I need to remember that! People are losing limbs and have been fighting cancer for their whole lives. Whenever I have down days I think of children that are going through this and I know if they can get through this then so can I.

Comments

  1. You are an amazing young woman Laura!! You are in our thoughts and prayers and you will Kick Cancers Arse!!! Sending lots of love❤ your cousins in the U.S.

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  2. hi laura you are to me and you dont know me that well that beautiful little amazing girl that your dad introduced me to many years ago
    i suffer with the illness of alcohol and there is no cure for it only strength and acceptence
    when after many years of beating and torturing the biggest part of life for me was acceptence
    i find that when people can not see a broken leg or arm they dont realise what i may suffer on a daily basis
    for the past 8 years i have been getting help through many different organisations
    and this is somewhat helpful but life must go on
    i struggle every day to be happy ,but through acceptence i have found that life can be so much easier i say this to you because i have wasted 8 years more or less in therapy and what i would give today to have decided to accept my situation 8 years back
    my illness sits on my shoulder picking at my ear every single day and having acceptence really helps
    self discipline is another and a bit of faith
    have a chat with your dad each day and ask him to give you the strength to carry you through the day
    faith tells me hes watching anyway
    Do keep strong young lady and and keep the faith
    your dads friend Damian

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Damian, I do remember you! That was a lovely message, I will stay strong Xx

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  3. Wow Laura your message is amazing. I feel better after reading it. My name is Michael and I was a very good friend of your dad. Your dad was my number 1 international friend. He used to phone me and say let's go here or there and I'd jump on a flight and meet him wherever. My God we used to have some serious fun together. I really miss him. After reading your post you remind me so much of him. He would be so proud of you, sorry he is proud of you. Reading the way you battle cancer and pick yourself up is inspirational. You have the same positivity and outlook on life as your dad. Your dad was truly loved by everyone that knew him as a friend and I can see your family and friends feel the same way about you. Lorraine is always posting lovely stuff about you. I asked Darren to come sea kayaking with me down in Moveen this Summer, you're more than welcome to join us. Thanks for sharing your story.
    You probably know the story but ask Lorraine about the girl that found your dad. She had terminal cancer and six months later she was given the all clear. That was no coincidence.
    Cancer can and is being beaten everyday. My cousin's husband Dom has your attitude and he is a walking miracle. Dom is the longest living person in UK history with pancreatic cancer. His answer is simple.... staying positive and refusing to give in to his illness. You're obviously the same.

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    1. Thanks so much Micheal, that was a lovely message! Haha and I might just see you in moveen this summer 😊

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